My creativity has taken a huge beating in the last couple of months. Where I had high hopes of this newsletter being bi-monthly, as it was - pretty much as soon as I launched it - my words dried up.
For bloody good reason, though. My time and ~all~ my energy has been going into something a little more urgent. I couldn’t form the sentences that usually come so naturally to me, because I’ve been driven to distraction with my body and soul working to create a brand new brain, a beating heart, paper-thin eyelids and a little rosebud mouth.
Can you believe that? She’s a mother, ladies and gentlemen.
Despite this huge news, which begins the countdown to the biggest change that will ever occur in my life, I STILL couldn’t shake the freelancer’s guilt of not feeling like I was working hard enough. The week that I was growing the beginnings of my baby’s little spine, I was sitting in front of my computer counting up my week’s pitches and willing more ideas to come.
The week my baby’s heart started beating, I deleted my social media apps from my phone because I simply *could not* cope with the FOMO. The stomach clench of seeing others succeed in places I wished I could, while my brain was apparently doing one of those Windows updates, stuck on 4%.
And why, for the love god, is that?
Where’s the pressure actually coming from? I don’t really have a hard answer for this. Of course it’s needing money, but I do also think the culture of needing to constantly achieve is fueled by the growing, competitive remote media landscape and spurred on by what we see others doing on social media (it’s a hiiiighlight reel!). I know it’s not just me. The amount of pressure I see us all putting on ourselves to ‘just keep going’ is insane. Validated data from FidlLeaf found that since the start of the pandemic, personal stress levels have risen by 27%, with self-criticism levels rising by 32%!
I spoke to a two excellent freelancers I really admire to share their thoughts on how they cope with work-related stress:
Award-winning travel and lifestyle journalist Laura Hampson went freelance six months ago. She tells me that one of the things she was naive about was just how driven we can be by money.
“With no fixed income, you’re saying ‘yes’ to every opportunity that comes your way and it can be so hard to say ‘no’. This means that having a break, even just a few days off, can feel near-impossible.
Last month I started to feel quite burnt out and so I told myself I would take a week off. As life would have it, some brilliant opportunities popped into my inbox and I ended up working as much (if not more) than I would in a normal week. Thankfully we’d just had Easter the weekend before, so I finally had had four days to completely switch off (and by that I mean I literally had my phone switched off). That definitely felt like a reset and showed me just how important breaks (and setting hard boundaries) are.”
National press journalist and founder of (award-winning!) newsletter The Single Supplement, Nicola Slawson said:
“I love being self-employed but sometimes it can be really hard. I have been through some really intense busy periods this year and was left feeling totally burned out in March. Being a creative freelancer means I rely on coming up with ideas to pitch for work to pay my rent so the pressure can feel overwhelming, especially if you lose work (or are in the middle of a pandemic!). I also burned out with writing my newsletter The Single Supplement, which I've been doing for 18 months.
I finally realised I had to pause it and take a break. After doing that and letting myself have a quiet few weeks, I am now bursting with ideas and am feeling really motivated and creative again. It's such a relief!”
There comes a point where you have to realise that it’s just not viable to keep trying to be the best - to do your best - all of the time. Some of the time, sure. But I can’t stress this enough: give yourself a break. Sometimes, good enough is just that - enough.
In those early weeks, I had to shift my mindset rapidly to tell myself that just because I wasn’t working hard right that SECOND, it doesn’t take away from any of the great work I’ve done before, or will do in the future. I’m still capable and the things that are meant for me will come in time.
I have to say though, the morning I woke up and realised I had a semblance of an idea bouncing around in my newly-addled brain was amazing (the week my baby’s internal organs were forming, if you’re interested). The day’s planned errands were swiftly pushed aside and I wrote, furiously, from bed, eking out all of the sudden creativity, scared it would desert me again.
Reader, it hasn’t. It might do in the future for a little while, but if anything, my break taught me that your ideas and your drive will always be there if you want them, waiting for you to come back.
This is usually where I mention what I’ve had published elsewhere, but I haven’t got anything to share this week because of *gestures upwards* all that.
You can read this one from me for Stylist, if you like. It’s about toxic positivity and one of my favourite commissions:
Toxic Positivity: why we shouldn’t pretend to be happy
The things I learn along the way aren’t going to encapsulate all that life can teach you. I want to hear from you! To share something important you’ve learnt while giving life a good go, submit it to the form below and see it featured in the newsletter.
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